Are you constantly questioning your relationship more than you think you should be? You’re not alone. Social media is making it hard to feel satisfied. Being bombarded with pictures of perfect relationships makes it hard to know what the “real deal” is even supposed to look like these days. However, constantly questioning your relationship could be a sign that you’re not where you should be. Let’s break it down.
Comparison Can Truly Be the Thief of Joy in Modern Relationships
Social media is making us unhappy. In fact, research shows that social media is causing many people to have lower levels of life satisfaction. As a therapist specializing in dating and relationships, I can tell you that it’s also causing many people to have lower relationship satisfaction. More of my clients than ever before are telling me that they are stuck in a cycle of constantly questioning their relationships. Are they attractive enough? Do they make enough money? Do my friends think they aren’t good enough? Is my family judging them? Am I wasting my time? These are the common questions my clients are asking over and over again while examining their relationships.
One recurring theme I’m seeing is that many people are afraid of how other people will judge their partners. That means that the constant questioning of the relationship has more to do with the perceptions of others than their actual feelings for a partner. Unfortunately, we can ruin good relationships by constantly questioning if our partner passes all of the “social tests” imposed on us by the sky-high expectations set by social media. This is where it becomes important to identify the source of your constant questioning.
When Constant Questioning Mean Something Deeper
It’s also possible that you’re constantly questioning your relationship because you’re simply not in the right relationship. While there’s no “love test” for determining if you’ve found the right partner, there are some themes to look for. Here’s a look at some questions that could indicate that you’re not in the right relationship:
- Why does my partner always put me down?
- Why does my partner make me feel like I’m not good enough?
- Why won’t my partner commit to me?
- Is my partner using me?
- Am I settling because I don’t want to be hurt again?
- Am I only with my partner because I don’t want to be alone?
- Why can’t I trust my partner?
- Why are we arguing so much?
These are all valid questions that have nothing to do with the comparison trap. In fact, your constant questioning could be your “gut” telling you that you need to make changes. I think these questions are all great points to bring up with a therapist if you’re wondering if you need to walk away from a relationship.
Final Thoughts: How Do You Stop Constantly Questioning Your Relationship?
The first step is getting some clarity on the source of the constant doubt. Is it external pressure to find a “perfect” partner? Do you have nagging feelings that you’re in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who doesn’t actually value you? The answers may begin to form once you can uncover your own motivations for feeling unable to go all in with your partner without doubts!