They weren’t kidding when they said breaking up is hard to do. Breakups devastate us because we feel like we’re losing access to a person we need in order to be happy. We’re not just letting go of a person. We’re letting go of our expectations, reliving traumatic messages from childhood that told us we’re unlovable, and feeling like we have to face the unknown future alone. How do you get over your ex when you feel like the pain will never stop? I want to show you some healthy tips for how to get over a breakup.
It’s Okay to Say How Scared You Feel
I often say that a broken heart is a physical wound. You can’t heal it until you actually treat it. Start by acknowledging why it hurts. It’s fine to meditate on the rejection, fear, loneliness, jealousy, and anger you feel. Yes, even throwing a “pity party” is just fine as long as you’re making a deal with yourself not to overstay your welcome as the guest of honor. The truth is that a breakup can be an extraordinary opportunity to “return to self” if you let yourself process through all of the stages of grief. Don’t talk yourself out of the “bad stuff” you’re feeling. Feeling bad doesn’t make you bad.
Stop Claiming Ownership of Something That Wasn’t Yours
This one is going to sting. Many times, we feel anger and grief over a breakup because we’re mourning a future that was never set in stone to begin with. If you’re looking for advice on how to get over someone, you may be running a movie in your head of a wedding, a life with kids, and an idyllic retirement spent in side-by-side rocking chairs. You’re angry at your ex-partner for taking this away from you even though it had never even been built. In fact, one of the best ways to learn how to forgive someone over a breakup is to stop holding them responsible for taking away things that hadn’t happened yet. You give them too much power when you assume they can snatch away your future!
Live Like They’re Not Watching
A common trap that people fall into after a breakup is to take a performative approach to getting over someone. What does this mean? You may put focus on looking your best, living your best, and doing it all for the camera lens in the hopes that your ex will see it. You’re not healing properly if you’re planning your schedule around things that will make your ex jealous. Make the decision to restrict what your ex can see online even if you’ve decided to remain friends on social media. This will help you to avoid falling into the performative trap.
The truth is that doing things in the hopes that your ex will notice actually causes you to use people. When you’re planning a night out with friends, you’re using them as props for looking like you’re having fun. When a new love interest spends time with you, you’re taking pictures in the hopes your ex realizes they’ve lost a good thing. This can prevent you from enjoying authentic experiences that allow you to fully heal.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup Fully?
How do you get over someone quickly? Accept that it could take a lifetime. The truth is that the heart is an organ that heals slowly. In time, you can learn to embrace the beauty of having a scar that reminds you of a time when you loved passionately. The good news is that most people actually feel healed just six months after parting ways, according to a survey conducted by Yelp.